It took me about a year and a half to get over the birth of my first daughter. Not because anything went particularly wrong that day. My daughter was, and still is thankfully, a healthy and beautiful little girl. I was mad at my body for not doing what it was meant to do. And I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t hold a grudge against my doctor.
I spent nine months preparing for the birth of my first child. Realistically, I had probably mentally been preparing for years. But I’ll only count the time when I was actually physically doing things to prepare for the baby’s arrival. Like going to childbirth classes. We took THREE of them. A hospital tour, a six week natural childbirth class called the Bradley method, and an afternoon childbirth class at our local hospital. I had decided early on that I would forego all the drugs and bring this baby into the world Au Natural.
During those childbirth classes, I always glazed over the c-section part. Afterall, that was never going to happen to me, during my ‘natural’ birth, so why focus on something that was wasted space in my brain? As a pregnant mama, I was already struggling with “mommy brain” and could hardly remember where I left my shoes let alone make space for learning about something I didn’t need to know.
I went into labor on the eve of the day that my doctor was going to induce me. She was three days past her due date. The first 6 hours were tough, but I worked through them by taking baths, walking the hallways, singing songs and even drinking Gatorade and eating oranges. The next 6 hours were grueling. By the end of those 12 hours without any drugs whatsoever, I was clinging to the side of the bed in agonizing pain and relentless labor pains. I was exhausted, hungry, thirsty and unfocused. And when the doctor told me that I hadn’t progressed past a 4, it was as if I had just played my best game in the world and still lost the Super Bowl. It was then that I decided to accept drugs.
Right after the epidural was administered, my blood pressure dropped to dangerous levels. Then came the oxygen, and more drugs to bring my blood pressure back up. Soon thereafter, my baby went into distress. Her heart rate dropped to a slow thump-thump (2 seconds) thump-thump. I had never seen nurses running so fast. Now numb from the epidural, they moved my bed this way and that until they found the position that my daughter was apparently the most comfortable – I was upside-down in bed. But, her heart rate was back to normal. Another 5 hours of laying there upside down went by, until I registered a whopping 9. When my doctor examined me, she said that the baby was much bigger than she had realized and that the baby might be stuck. I should start considering a c-section.
I didn’t really hear those words the first time she said them. Afterall, I was a 9lb. 8 oz. baby and my mother delivered me the normal way. Something would change and the doctor would see that she was wrong. My body, my faithful body, would come through and do what it was meant to do.
An hour later the baby’s heartrate dropped again signaling that she was in distress. It was then that the doctor told me that the waiting was over, it had been 18 hours, and that she had to do a c-section.
I immediately burst into tears. If I were a balloon, I would have burst right then and there. All of my hopes, dreams, aspirations, of having my baby placed into my lap right after birth and gaze forever into each other’s eyes were shattered.
The doctor said she was leaving the room and that I had 2 minutes to get myself together before they wheeled me in for surgery.
About 15 minutes later, I heard her glorious wail. Every ounce of fear, trepidation and nightmare left my body. And I couldn’t stop staring into the beautiful blue eyes of my baby girl, all 9 pounds, 8.5 ounces of her.
-Heather
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Thank you for sharing your story. It’s comforting to hear that someone else experienced the same c-section disappointment that I did. I prepared for the same, natural, no-drugs method. My husband and I did the Bradley classes. My older sister has had all three of her sons naturally and without drugs – so I wanted the same experience for my kids.
I was devastated when my daughter turned breech at 37 weeks. I endured an external cephalic version, but Jennifer failed to turn. In the end, I had no choice but accept the c-section. The silver lining was that the c-section was the safest route; Jennifer had the cord around her neck. I wanted to try a VBAC for my son, but he wasn’t having it. Michael was breech the entire third trimester. He found a comfortable position and stuck with it until the end.
I don’t regret having the surgeries. My kids were not going to turn, so I understand the medical necessity. My kids are both happy and healthy, so I feel blessed. On a very personal and emotional level, I felt very disappointed and saddened that my body failed me. It took me a while to accept it. It’s just comforting that I’m not alone in my feelings.
It took me a long, long time to accept that I had a c-section with our first child after 42 (?? I lost count) hours of labor. I never even LOOKED at information on a c-section while I was prego b/c I never thought I would have one — come on — I teach yoga, I’m strong, I’m healthy. We were with a midwife and were planning on delivering at a birthing center. But after being two weeks overdue, it all turned out COMPLETELY different than what I had planned for. AND after he was born, he was in the nicu — imagine a 9 lb. 3 oz babe in the nicu! (I sometimes think he was there to “cheer on” the other littler ones, given what a go-getter little leader he is today!). As a psychotherapist and having studied and practiced a few healing modalities, I KNEW how important those first moments were. AND I DIDN’T GET TO HOLD HIM until 6 hrs later.
And then, one day, I was talking with a friend. Something she said made me let go of all the guilt, sadness, etc. Let’s just say that my little guy and I had known each other in a previous life and let’s just say that one of us had died at childbirth because there wasn’t the modern medicine of doing a c-section. WE WOULD’VE CALLED THIS A SUCCESS STORY. Whether that’s true and possible or not, I realized in that moment that it was my PERCEPTION that was causing my suffering. And I let it go.
There are also somatic experiencing things to help “heal” from births that we THINK aren’t how they “should” be – giving baby and mom the opportunity to bond how they had wanted to. I’ll share if you want some time.
Lovely post. Thank you for sharing! I’m going to put you all on my blogroll too! Blessings, Lisa
Holy cow, Lisa…42 hours of labor?!!! Sounds like you had a similar experience to mine. I’m glad you were able to come to peace with the c-section. I think sometimes it just takes some of us more time to heal from those wounds (and I’m not talking about the physical ones). When you have something set in your mind, it’s really hard to turn off those feelings/emotions tied to that experience. Especially childbirth. I can’t think of any other experience in life that is more vulnerable, exhilarating or miraculous. And a HUGE thank you for adding us to your blogroll! -Heather
I know what you mean, Andy. I was very thankful that she was ok – all of those negative feelings melted away the moment she was born. Of course, I thought about that day many times over the following year and a half. But it’s hard to stay upset when you look at them and think about how wonderful life is since they’re healthy and happy babies.
its the doctors fault. I know someone who had a baby in a cabin and it was a posterior birth with labor going more the 48 hours. the baby was fine ., the mother had no blood transfusion or C-section because she had a midwife and a doctor who was committed to natural childbirth and because she wasn’t in a hospital. Doctors are most comfortable with cutting and drugs and it was the drugs that set you back not your body.
Tasha, thank you for reading my post and for your comment! I wondered the same thing for the past year and a half! Fortunately, I was able to do a VBAC with my second child. (I plan to write that one within the next few weeks). -Heather
It’s just comforting that I’m not alone in my feelings.
What a great story. Natural childbirth sounds so appealing in comparison, but delivering a healthy, live baby supersedes any notion. So glad your baby girl came out big and wailing!
Thank you so much for reading my story and for your warm thoughts, Country Man’s Wife! -Heather
live baby supersedes any notion. So glad your baby girl came out big and wailing!
freegamescool – I agree, healthy baby is all that matters.
Thank you for this story. I also had a very disappointing first birth. I did not have a c-section, but I felt pressured by the doctor and nurse to accept an epidural among other interventions. I felt demeaned and bullied. It was awful. But for baby #2, I was wiser, more prepared, and had better support from my husband (who was forced to read A LOT of literature on natural birth!!). My second birth was a dream come true. No drugs, and a lot faster than #1. I felt empowered!
Erica, thank you so much for reading my post and for your comment. I am so glad to hear that your second baby’s birth was much better and that you were empowered! I always tell my friends that giving birth is the most vulnerable time I’ve ever felt in my life. Your life -and your baby’s- is literally in someone else’s hands. I’ll write my second daughter’s birth story one of these days – I had a VBAC!
I was wiser, more prepared
I think it would do moms good to bear in mind while pregnant that labor and delivery is but one day of many many days they will spend raising their child.
How the child gets here in the end matters little as long as they are healthy.
I go through a similar quandry when counseling moms who “fail” at breastfeeding.
The baby still starts school at the same time as every other child whether they come from the breast or bottle.
When I counsel parents-to-be on childbirth I insist on going over the c-section possibility and always mention, whether the bay is born naturally, with epiduraal or by c-section you get the same baby.
Best wishes to you and your little one.
Gmomj, thank you so much for your comment. You are absolutely right – a child’s birth is just the beginning of a long life together. I think what would have helped me feel more relaxed that day is if I hadn’t had a birth plan and done as much research on the drugs, etc. And, I should have paid more attention during the c-section part of my childbirth classes!
I disagree so much my back hurts. Breastfeeding is not the same as formula. Formula is pumped full of mercury, melamine, lead, and all sorts of other crap you want your child to stay away from. Studies show an increase in IQ and immunities in breastfed children. I was breastfed till the age of 3 by my mother who is an RN and a lactation consultant. Starting school at the same time as other children is hardly the issue; how well a child does is school is more important. As for going over the c-section ‘possibility’… I have spoken to several women who have had a c-section, educated themselves on the birthing process after the c-section due to dissapointment, and then had their next child at home. They all say the same thing: you can not compare the two experiences. The bonding, attachment, and experience is completely different. C-Section should be a worst case scenario solution, and if people stayed out of the hospitals the c-section and mortality rate would drop significantly in this country.
Breastfeed, don’t vaccinate, eat local.
Thank you for your comments, Trevor. I agree with you on the two experiences being very different. Although I did accept drugs right away with my second daughter (that was a condition of my doctor agreeing to deliver my baby – to make sure that if things went south they could perform a c-section immediately) I was able to deliver her via VBAC. It was an amazing experience and I’m very thankful that both of my babies are healthy.
Congratulations on your story. I had a breach, and without the baby turning, we had to go in for a c-section.
I am hoping that the second time around, it can be different, but I am not sure. Good for you that the VBAC worked.
But I have heard a couple of real horror stories of uterine stitches bursting, baby dying that I really am scared to take the risk.
Nishita, a vbac is definitely not for everyone. If you’re seriously considering it as an option, do your research, make sure you’re a viable vbac candidate (where your c-section scar is on your uterus matters – your doctor will know based on your surgery report from your csection), find a really good doctor who will agree to do it (and does them often), and just realize that at any time you could end up with another c-section (keep your expectations for a ‘normal’ birth low, just in case). When I did my research (and found out that I was a good candidate), the statistics were very powerful – everything I read said that I had a <1% chance of rupture during a vbac (and that 1% was VERY low – i'll write a post on this soon with the exact #'s) versus a ~5% of something going wrong during or after my repeat c-section. So I had FIVE times greater risk of complications from another c-section. Good luck in your decision the second time around! Hope you'll keep us posted!
One more thing – if you do decide to do it, DO NOT ever take off the monitors (not even for a second). My lactation consultant was also a labor & delivery nurse for 15+ years…said the only VBAC that she’d witnessed with severe complications was when an expecting Mom unhooked her monitor to take a shower. Her uterus ruptured and she lost the baby. I was hooked up to monitors the ENTIRE time (and, of course, mentally prepared to be wheeled into surgery).
The point of my post is that women who are unable to breastfeed and or unable to birth their children vaginally shouldn’t be made to feel as if they have failed at anything.
Bonding? If we tell women you won’t bond with your child after a section then I would bet they wouldn’t.
But plenty of women do bond just fine.It’s a mindset. (I didn’t see one of my sons for 10 hours after his birth as he had a heart defect and was rushed away,didn’t get to touch nor see him, he still nursed till he was 3,he is a big boy now in medical school,thank you very much.)
Often these matters are out of our control and for everyone’s well-being we need to be forgiving and supportive of eachother. IMHO there is no right way.
There is only the best one can do given each particular set of circumstances. With the moms I see I try hard to start them off knowing that birth is unpredictable and flexibility is key.
BTW I birthed 6 children unmedicated and vaccinated with overseas vaccines not containing thymerosol or aluminum and waited past my children’s 3rd birthdays and the autism “window”. We eat organic and run a biofuel business.
Baby you are preaching to the choir!
But I still hold firm, that women have the choice and should be supported in whatever they choose.
Some years past I attended my last homebirth. Baby’s heartrate was dropping very low and not rebounding. The midwife was not forcing the couple to transfer to the hospital as they were adament to birth at home. After 2 days I took the midwife aside and told her I was leaving. The mom was beyond exhausted and the baby’s heartrate was feeble.
Those people just had their second child in hospital while their first, who was born at home after 3 days, has round the clock nursing care as he is badly brain damaged.
Homebirths are not without risk.
This couple was irresponsible as was the midwife, and is an extreme example.
But even in the best of circumstances one never knows if when the time comes to push the baby out the cord is tucked under the chin (happens in a full 25% of births) and compressed with the contractions.Compress that cord without release the air supply is cut off from the baby.
It can take up to 3 hours to push a first child out (actually closer to four) who wants to take the risk with a child’s whole life so they can birth at home?
I understand the dislike of hospitals, doctors etc.. but there are often midwife groups available in hospital where the woman is interferred with very little and there are many birthing centers available today.
Nice reading all the stories.
Very interesting post and beautiful pics of the bebe!
I have been a labor doula for 16 years and have delivered many babies myself, I’ll never do nor attend another homebirth.
i’m in my OB rotation for nursing school this semester and i got to watch a c-section last thursday. i have to say that bearing witness to someone’s birth is just one of the most incredible things i’ve ever done, regardless of whether it was a vaginal or a caesarian birth. it doesn’t matter how she got here as long as she’s here. congratulations!
eeburrah, thank you so much for leaving a comment and for your congratulations! Although I’ve never witnessed anyone else giving birth, I agree with you – the birth of a person is truly an incredible experience…and there’s just nothing else in this world quite like it.
You are so not alone. I was going to take my au natural a step further and have my son at home, with a midwife and a doula. I never wanted the drugs and germs and invasive procedures that seem to cascade one on top of the other in a hospital. I had only planned for the natural wonderful, pure birth experience I had in my mind for my precious baby. Well, ha ha! the universe said to me. My son was breech at 38 wks. We managed to turn him at home, but it did us no good. After way too long laboring at home (I’ll spare you the gory details) I finally gave in and ended up in the hospital getting everything done to me that I’d tried to desperately to avoid. meh. In the end, I got a beautiful healthy baby boy who is still the light of my life 10 yrs later. Funny, after he was born, and all the ensuing damage that was done to my body, the doc says in hindsight I probably should’ve had a c-section! Thanks, now you tell me! Oh well. I just proved to me that I am not in control as much as I thought I was and that everything works out the way it’s supposed to, even though it’s not how I planned it.
I’m glad everything turned out well in the end and your baby girl is healthy. It is comforting to know that we are not alone, though. enjoy your baby girl, the time goes so quickly, my boy is 10 now!
Domestic goddess, WOW what an ordeal! The fact that you remember those vivid details 10 years later truly means you had one heck of a childbirth experience! I’m so sorry that his birth was so rough. I can relate. I left out many of the gory details from my story, too. I guess you can say that I came to the same realization as you – I couldn’t control the situation and the entire birth was really harrowing. But in the end, my daughter was healthy and happy. That’s all that really matters at the end of the day!
Although it didn’t go as plan, this was such a beautiful story. Thank you for sharing!
congrats on FP!
Allyoucanthinkbuffet, thank you for your kind comments!
Wow! Thank you so much for sharing your birth story. People always say you don’t win a medal for not getting an epidural but I think that after twelve hours of unmedicated labor you definitely deserve a medal, regardless of the outcome. Your twelve hours was two hours longer than my total labor! Awesome job!
Bubbaandme, thanks for the laugh! I wasn’t going for a medal, but I’ll sure take one.
How lucky you were to only labor for 10 hours. There were women coming in hours after me in the hospital that day and I could hear the doctors/nurses talking about how their babies were already born. With my second child, I got an epidural right away and WOW what a difference! I easily could have opened my laptop and worked through that labor, LOL!
I had a section as well and it took me a while to come to terms with it even though it was scheduled due to breach. It wasn’t until my sister’s horrific natural birth that resulted in a recovery equal to my section recovery that I felt the full blessing of my son’s birth. He was healthy, took to the breast right away, and nursed for sixteen months. I agree with the other commenter who said it doesn’t matter how they get here as long as they get here. Sometimes a c-section is the best way. I’m just grateful that we live in a time and place where they are available.
Kristi I could agree with you more. I know people who had terrible normal births which took their bodies closer to a year to recover (and then opted for c-sections the second+ time around). I will always wonder, ‘what if.’ But, in the end, it’s not worth the risk of injury to your child if you know they’re in distress and the doctor can deliver them quickly.
I think having a baby at natural childbirth is the best way to go because you never what would might happen if you have a c-section. And the only reason why I say that is because I had a natural childbirth is a the most believeable experience I every had.
mzdiva, you are very fortunate to have had a natural childbirth. Although I did accept drugs with my second, I was able to have her the ‘normal’ way (VBAC). Each type of delivery is unique…but at the end of the day, you realize that watching your baby enter the world and laying your eyes on him/her for the very first time – is what it’s all about.
Thank you for sharing your story. I too went through a similar situation with the birth of my son. I was in labor 14 hours with no drugs. After 14 hours I was still at 4cm. My sons heart rate was not stable, so my doctor begged me to get an epidural. She told me that my body was exhausted and could be fighting labor. I just cried and cried, but ended up doing it. An hour after epi, I was still at a 4, and his heart rate was still unstable, so I had a c-section. My son was 9lb 2oz when he was born, and stuck in my pubic region. Apparently I will never have a child natural
He too was in the nicu, the entire time I was in the hospital. He also had to be rushed to children’s hospital for a suspected heart murmur. I wasnt even able to hold my son on my birthday (he was born 2 days before my birthday). It was a bittersweet experience, yet, I have a beautiful healthy son!
swtsammybug thank you for your comment! Sounds like our experiences were indeed very similar (even the birth weights of our babies – your son is beautiful, by the way!). If and when you decide to have another, look for a doctor that will perform a VBAC. I’ll write about my second daughter’s birth in the next couple of weeks (she was a VBAC), and the % risks of a VBAC vs repeat c-section, but I was told the same thing. My frame was ‘not big enough’ to deliver another big baby and usually the next baby is always bigger. My second daughter came naturally 2 weeks early, and everything worked out fine. I did not need a c-section. Congrats on the birth of your beautiful little guy!
We never forget the birth of our sons and daughters. What a special moment even through the pain. Thanks for sharing your experience. I was not aware that people regret having a C-section. You are a trooper to go through it. Either way, birth is birth.
Rubiescorner – thank you for reading my post and for your comment! She’s now almost 3 and I didn’t even have to review her birth story that I wrote 3 years ago (when I wrote that post last night). This one I knew by heart! You definitely never forget. Yes, I don’t know what to call it, but maybe ‘c-section guilt’? One of the other reader’s comments below likened it to the same feelings a mother has when she can’t breastfeed. I can’t say I’ve experienced that, but I can say that I felt very deflated after the birth of my daughter – almost like I had been robbed of the experience I wanted to have – for both of us. I know that probably sounds silly, since she was fine, but it did take me about 1 1/2 years to let it go (and I know LOTS of other moms with similar experiences/feelings). I’m just very thankful that she’s a healthy little girl!
What a trip being pulled back to my first natural childbirth. (Thank you so much.) He’ll be 58 in December.
There will never be a more significant subject than bebes. Good luck.
Natural childbirth is magical. I wrote my first article about that experience in 1952 to encourage others to dare to know it for themselves. It’s like nothing else in the Divine Plan. If my son had been repulsive to look at, I would have loved him and accepted him anyway. The process makes a mother out of you.
Two years before, his big sister had been born after 36 hours of labor and after an ether mask had finally been slapped over my nose, so I missed the whole event. It knocked me out until 12 hours later – the next morning.
By THEN she was much more beautiful than I expected. Angelic, even. I could not believe that she was my baby. And now, 60 years later, I’m still wondering if she was my baby. We NEVER, ever, connected on a deep level. I don’t know who she is. She has no idea who I am.
Mavis – I am so sorry that you were robbed of your first precious hours with your baby girl. I know that was commonplace years ago until doctors realized how critical the first few hours are for a mommy to spend with her newborn. Part of the reason I felt so deflated was because I had envisoned giving birth the natural way and then afterwards they were to place her on my belly so that I could nurse her. All the books nowadays say to nurse your child within the first hour of birth – to nourish your baby as well as to establish the bond. I can’t imagine being robbed of the first 12 hours with my baby and am so, so sorry that you had to experience that. When you get a chance, please send the article you wrote in 1952 to purebebeblog.com. We’d love to read it!
Wow! thanks – that was awesome! I had a similar second baby story to that one – first baby was a one push, epidural so i was totally not prepped for the second one to be an emerg. c.!
You’ve inspired me to blog about my 2 experiences-thanks again!
Annelise, thank you for your kind kudos!
And wow you were lucky with your first child’s birth! I’m sorry to hear your second was different, though. I had a similar experience, just opposite yours. I was able to have a successful VBAC with my second (I’ll save that for a later post). Please do write about your experiences and send me the link when you post them – I’d love to read them!
I also glazed over the c-section info, and ended up with one after my wee one decided to attempt to enter the world tail-side down (mind you, I was fully dilated and ready to push when this was discovered – and hadn’t had any drugs…)
It took me some time to get over it, but as many commenters have said, a healthy baby is the most important thing!
Urgh, Janelle, I’m so sorry. Although mine wasn’t tail-side down, I can relate to your disappointment. I think eventually we get to the ‘place’ that matters – knowing that our babies were born healthy. Thank you for your comment!
After 37 hours of no drugs and a sunnyside up baby girl, I feel your pain. It has been almost 8 months and I still get a little weepy when I think about how I wish things had been different. We did the same thing – Bradley classes, lots of books, sitting on the floor until my feet fell asleep. All of it.
I feel torn between being grateful to the nurses and doctors for making sure Charlotte arrived safely and being angry at all of the ridiculous restrictions that I feel contributed to the c-section (seriously, why can’t a mom pee during labor?) Don’t even get me started on the “if you have a c-section, you can’t see your baby for at least two hours because you need to “recover” and holding a baby makes that impossible.
Thank you for your compassion and understanding, Kate. When I read your comment, I could literally feel your pain. I’ve been there. And I wasn’t kidding when I said it took me a year and a half to get over her birth experience (in fact, I was more than halfway through my pregnancy with my second daughter). Just like you said it – I too was torn between being grateful that everything turned out ok and being upset about all of the things that went wrong as soon as the epidural was administered. The good news, though, is that I found a doctor who was willing to do a VBAC with my second daughter (and did an AMAZING job). You will need to discuss it with your doctor to make sure that you qualify (where the c-section incision was made matters), and if you decide to do it you must be monitored at all times (absolutely no unhooking the monitors to get up to use the bathroom). I had a great experience with the birth of my second child and am a big proponent of VBAC, as long as it’s the right thing to do for the mommy and baby.
Don’t let that experience discourage you with any future pregnancies! Like you and many others I to took Bradley classes, since then I have been blessed with 2 natural deliveries but it wasn’t that way for some of my friends that I met through that class. One women had a terrible experience with a c-section as well and her daughter was not as fortunate as your was. She has many healthy issues and hearing problems from the c-sections. However that did not stop her. She continued educating herself and this time on VBACs. Her second child was a VBAC with and epidural. Still not satisfied with that and longing to have the natural childbirth she had been dreaming about, for her third child she decided to have a home birth! It was not easy but she did it!! AU NATURAL it was a lot of work but with the right people encouraging her (and midwives) it was totally possible. It can be a reality for you too
This is the first time I have come across your site and I really like it! My daughter just celebrated her 2nd birthday last week and I shared my birth story for her on my site themodernmama.wordpress.com I urge you to check it out, you may find it encouraging for any babies in the future
bethany
Modernmama, love your site – Kelsey and Neely are adorable! I can’t wait to spend more time cruising your blog. And thank you for your thoughtful and sincere advice. You are very lucky to have had both of your babies au natural! I ended up having a VBAC with my second daughter (I’ll save that for a later post) and was very thankful to experience the other type of birthing process.
I had both of my kids via c-section- My first born was stuck and not going anywhere. After 22 hours, I was not at all disappointed when he came out through a different opening. My daughter was a repeat c-section, and I enjoyed that birth experience too. Sometimes natural is the way to go, and sometimes doctors know best…glad your doctor didn’t give you the option- who knows what could have happened. Now you have a healthy happy baby. Nothing beats that!
Sounds like your firstborn was similar to mine, Jamie! You are right on – having a healthy and happy baby is the most important part of the entire birthing process…and us mommies will do whatever we need to in order to help make that possible – including laying upside down for hours on end!
I, too, suffered from “c-section guilt”. I assumed that I would have a nice, “normal” birth because I was healthy, the baby was healthy, and that’s just what people do. However, I was in hard labor for 6 hours before I had progressed enough to even get an epidural. A few hours later, they decided I was almost ready to start pushing, then they broke my water and got concerned. The baby was in distress and they didn’t know why. There were a lot of little factors that played in to the decision, but when the doctor said, “I really think you should consider a c-section” I was at the point of “whatever. Do whatever.” They expected to find the cord wrapped around his neck. He was fine. They still don’t know why he was in distress. I was mostly okay with it because I was just happy to have a healthy baby. My second baby (in a different state) was a required repeat c-section. I still went into labor early, but I didn’t have any stress because I knew I didn’t have a choice and he was coming by c-section no matter what. My third (in yet another state) was more of the same as the first. The doctor had agreed to try a VBAC, but when I just didn’t progress in labor like I should have (in fact, I start to go backwards!!), we decided to cut to the chase and do a c-section so it wouldn’t be another emergency (like the first). Yes, I often wonder what would have happened if I had had them the “normal” way, and I sometimes feel like my body completely betrayed me by not letting me have just ONE experience. However… Like someone said above, the important part is that I had three healthy babies. There is so much more than just the few moments on how they arrived. My boys are now 8, 5, and 4, and I don’t regret a single thing. The ideal situation is just to have healthy babies. You do the best you can in the situation you are.
Thank you for sharing your birth experiences with your three boys, Sleepyfrog. I had similar assumptions at the beginning – why not assume everything would go the ‘normal’ way?! I hope you don’t mind (now that your guilt is over like mine), but I did get a chuckle out of the fact that you went backwards.
Your baby decided coming out just wasn’t as nice of an option as staying put in the warm, comfy nest he spent 9 months building!
My mom had good prenatal care. But, I was born 17 weeks early do the Mom’s incompetent cervix. There was no time for any painkillers. 30 minutes of labor, and I came at a jaw-dropping 1 pound, 4 ounces! It was about a month later that my mom was allowed to hold me. I was connected to all sorts of tubes and wires, and didn’t come out of the hospital for a long time. Mom and Dad joke that I gave them all their grey hairs.
Mom says that I was the most painful out of all of her babies. I have three younger brothers. All of them were premature, too, thanks to Mom incompetent cervix. One was delivered with pain medications, and my other two brothers were delivered c section. I am amazed at the courage my mother had to suck it up, and become a mom.
I had both of my kids via c-section- My first born was stuck and not going anywhere. After 22 hours, I was not at all disappointed when he came out through a different opening. My daughter was a repeat c-section, and I enjoyed that birth experience too. Sometimes natural is the way to go, and sometimes doctors know best…glad your doctor didn’t give you the option- who knows what could have happened. Now you have a healthy happy baby. Nothing beats that!
First of all, congratulations. She’s a beautiful girl and does not matter what way she came out, both of you have done a great job.
I only gave birth to my son (a month ago) 55 hours after my water broke. He was posterior hence the long labor. I was determined to not go to the hospital as it was a planned homebirth. I did go to the hospital to have him and myself checked 4 hours after my water broke though. My doctor warned me that he was a big baby. He was basically insinuating that I should go to the hospital for constant monitoring. He did not say it out loud though as he knew I would not want to hear that suggestion. He also said if the baby doesn’t come out after 24-48 hours, I have to make a decision which again insinuated that I should go to the hospital and be subject to some sort of intervention.
It was a grueling 55 hours but he did come out eventually. It was a peaceful homebirth. Heck, I didn’t even know it took me 2 and a half days to have him out. There was too much sensation to notice. All I did was feel his movement and that was the only indication to me that he was fine. I am pretty sure during those long hours, his heart rate may have dropped here and there if there was monitoring.
Thank you for your thoughtful comments, Ayuni. I can’t imagine being in labor for 55 hrs – what a TROOPER you are, WOW!
Congratulations on the birth of your son – what a blessing!
Sounds like your firstborn was similar to mine, Jamie! You are right on – having a healthy and happy baby is the most important part of the entire birthing process…and us mommies will do whatever we need to in order to help make that possible – including laying upside down for hours on end!
Sooo true! Thank you for your comment!
Thanks for sharing.
I really hate hearing these stories: doctors recommending drugs, petocin and other interventions that compound each other and end in a c-section that could have been avoided. I am about to speak really frank for the benefit of anyone who may read this…
HAVE YOUR BABIES AT HOME. If you’re 37 and have spent the last two decades menstrating, sucking down diet coke, and killing your ovaries with birth-control, you may NEED to be in a hospital or at least close to one. Other than that, there is no need to go to a surgeon for a process that shouldn’t need much more medical attention than a decent midwife and the moral support of a mom/friend/doula/husband on redbull. (I recommend a combo of that list.)
The US has more hospital births than any 1st world nation, with an average of 3% of all births being done at home. We have the highest mortality rate of babies and mothers as well. Those stats are intimately linked.
A due date is not an exact science. Nor is it red-alert, code-5, bring-in-the-paddles-dangerous to be 3 days past your due date.
If you hit your due date primrose oil is a great way to soften the cervix and naturally induce. There are volumes written on natural induction methods.
I would highly recommend the movie “The business of being born”.
Good luck, don’t vaccinate, buy a flouride filter, don’t give your kids a social.
Great post – I think us moms should all find a way to share their birth stories. I think we’d find that we’re more alike than different – whether c-section/vaginal, drugs/au natural, doctor/midwife – we all made it through, and I’d guess things rarely are as we imagined! It’s one of the hardest but best things I’ve ever done – and I’m a little sad that I won’t do it again.
Thanks again for sharing – maybe someday I’ll blog about my experiences, too!
I completely agree with you AuntyTriss! If I would have shared my story a couple of years ago (in this way) I think I might have healed faster. I had no idea how many other women have similar birth stories! If and when you decide to blog about your own experience, please let me know. I’d love to read them!
That was a wonderful post – and I hear you.
I too went to multiple birthing classes and prepared for a home delivery with (highly paid) midwives and after 28 hours of labour ended up with a C-section. I vowed I wouldn’t have another baby.
Thankfully, the memories fade. And now, I’ve got 2 little peanuts – both delivered by c-sections. After all the hopes, plans, surgeries, pain and emotional turmoil – it was all worth it. And I too am not ready to forgive.
Isn’t it funny how quickly those memories fade, too?! Congrats on your two little peanuts! I agree – every amount of pain, fear, etc., is worth it for those sweet babies.
CONGRATULATION TO HAVE BABY A NATURAL GIFT
Thank you, amwcia!
It’s amazing. Every story of a mother IS amazing. I hope I can have that similar experience one day. Looking forward for that. At least, I can learn from others that has experienced it before. Thanks for sharing
Thank you for your comment batikmania! I wish you the best when you’re ready to have your own babies!
i gave birth to my firstborn vaginally, but i was never as brave as you! i knew from the very beginning that i would need all the medication they had, to help me through the delivery. it was my first child, after all, and my first time ever to be hospitalized. it was actually a miracle that my baby came out, 8 minutes away from a c-section, and with her umbilical cord wrapped around her neck twice. had a tough time pushing and my tummy was bruised for weeks from doctors helping me push the baby out. but thank God my daughter Danae was and is healthy. had a c-section with my second because her head just didn’t engage — too big for me! and her heart rate was also not normal. recovery was hard! but i’m thankful that she (Noelle) too was and is healthy.
Phoebe, thank you for sharing your birth stories and thank goodness everything turned out fine with Danae and Noelle! What an experience you had – I can see why your recovery was so difficult. Our babies definitely give us some interesting birth stories to tell!
It makes me sad to hear all the disappointment and turmoil that we as women feel around birth, as if we have done something wrong when science has to intervene. I am pro natural birth when it can happen, but I also think we put so much pressure on ourselves to do it ‘right’ and sometimes even with the best will in the world it does not go as we want it to. I love when we all get together and give support and just say WE DID OUR BEST… and WE ARE OK…And(where appriopriate)lets not worry too much with how they got here, cos we have A LIFETIME to love them, and we do!
Mum of three.
We put so much pressure on ourselves, don’t we, Debs?! I have been amazed at how many women have shared their own birth stories here – many of them with similar experiences to mine. I think that having a strong network of women that can offer support like you suggest is very important to moms (as well as their babies/children). Happy mommy = happy baby, right?
Congrats on your three!
I sometimes feels I could have done C-Section, all through my pregnancy me and my husband wanted a natural delivery and things were all going as it was planned,but after long hours of my labor pain the doctors and me started to feel like the baby’s heart beat is dropping first I thought like its something wrong in the machine,It was something comforting me when I was in my pain the sound of my baby’s heart beat.. but again it started dropping and I could see fear in the face of the doctors and nurses who was taking care of me.. then suddenly they said they want to do c-section I was asking them whats wrong and none answered me.. they called some senior doctor and were discussing something they asked my husbands opinion and said the complication is due to the cord around my babies neck so if we go through the natural way she may have problems of suffocation my husband said like they can do c-section but will be better if its the natural way as we all could think like…and in the end after long pain they all asked me to push the baby as hard as I could and I remember nurses standing around me and pushing my stomach to make the baby come out at last it happed and I could hear people shouting cut it cut it(they were telling to cut the cord which was tight around my babies neck which I realized later).. and when they put my baby on my chest her eyes were open and but she looked at me.. i felt like she is very pale..thought like may be because i didn’t take enough iron in my diet.. after delivery they didn’t give the baby to us she was kept in ICU for three days.. and then I realized that she had gone through very bad times during her birth..she was suffocated for quite long time and because of that only her eyes were open and she was pale because she was not getting enough oxygen for long time..all this made me feel like we could have asked for c-section and I believes its only by god’s grace that she is a smart cute little girl now … or else we may not have been able to forgive ourselves
Wow, Riya! Thank you so much for sharing your story. It sounds like you had quite an experienced team of doctors and nurses around you when you delivered her! Thank goodness for that and that everything turned out ok with your daughter.
Thank you for that post. Both my daughter and I had experiences that relate. Mine was very similar to yours (my labor was prolonged because the baby was posterior), but, at the last minute, the doctor manually rotated the baby and I avoided a C-section. My daughter spent months preparing for a water birth, then because of the baby’s size, she had to have a C-section. She was still arguing with the doctor as they brought her into the delivery room. The result of both experiences was the same: healthy, beautiful babies.
Thank you for your thoughtful comments, lifeintheboomerlane (love the name, btw!). I think there are so many of us out there with similar birthing experiences – we go into the experience with preconceived notions of what it would be like and come out the other end deflated (or almost deflated in your experience). I’m sorry your daughter had to go through what she went through. But you are absolutely right – it doesn’t matter how they get here as long as they arrive healthy!
I think nearly everyone who has given birth has had some part of it turn out very different from what we’d have preferred. Thankfully though the technology we have now nearly ensures that both the mother and baby are usually fine if a surprise complication arises, even if it is more invasive than what we’d wanted. The main thing is you are a mother no matter what now.
Thank you for your comment, pumpkincat! I personally am very grateful for modern technology! It was invasive, but I’d do it all over again – several times – for my daughter.
I’m going to chime in along with everyone else. I had a lot of preconceived notions for my childbirth. I sure thought it was going to be a breeze and the most natural thing to do. I am a proud Caesarean Mom, X2. How we all love to share our birthing stories. I enjoyed reading every one of them. One fact I do know is that no two births will ever be the same, be it the birth of your own children or the birthing experiences shared between a group of women. Each birth is its own unique experience with its own set of variables. I felt guilt that I couldn’t deliver my daughter. Then she didn’t nurse well. Now she is 15 and we are so very bonded. So we got off to a rocky and less than ideal start. We were able to create a wonderful relationship through the years and I hope it continues.
My natural-birth girlfriends have various lingering health issues – chock one up for the C-section. I don’t have to worry about accidentially peeing my pants or fighting off my husband’s armourous advances because I didn’t get stiched up “neatly”. One friend almost lost the baby VBAC-ing the second pregnancy.
When I learned I was expecting a second time, I fierecely wanted a VBAC, to make up for the short-comings of the first birth. No, this was not meant to be. Within 8 weeks of the pregnancy we learned that we were going to be blessed twice – I was carrying twins. Quite a shock, considering there are no twins on either side of my family and my husband just had to look at me to impregnate me! My OB/GYN didn’t recommend VBACing twins 26 months after my first C-section. I knew what to expect with the C-section, so I was ok with it. We were full-term (I’m a good incubator), no complications other than a little jaundice. I have two 12 year old boys. They both still love to kiss and hug and call me “Momma Bear”. I have a successful marriage and a happy, crazy family – we just took on a puppy, God Help ME!! I loved being pregnant and if I knew we could have had another daughter, I would have done so and bravely faced another C-section.
Love and nurture your children. They don’t come home with an instruction manual! Do the best you can to raise them, however way you deem approprate for your lifestyle, beliefs, and income level. I would love to live organically, but I just can’t afford it! Everyone else is doing the same thing. Each age has their own set of worries. Peace to you and your family.
Deb
ddaloia.wordpress.com
Thank you so much for your very thoughtful and wise words, Deb!
You are absolutely right – every birth is different and special in its own unique way (my two daughters’ births are examples of that too!). I loved being pregnant, too – such a happy and wondrous experience!
Congratulations on your beautiful and healthy children, happy marriage, and for adopting the newest member of your family (speaking of which, what kind did you adopt? Our ‘puppy’ is 5 years old now and a mixed boxer/rottweiler from the pound)!
What a story! But I’m glad everything turned out all right! Best wishes to you and your daughter!
Thank you for your kind comment, sunflowerdiva (nice name, btw!)!
Congrats to you and your baby girl. Childbirth is not easy, c-sec or normal delivery or even vbac. We want both the mother and baby to leave the hosp alive and well. Which is why the option becomes c sec. True that every patient has to be explained about the possibility of c sec and other methods like forceps or vaccusuc.That’s all I wanna say. Happy parenting.
Thanks for your comments, ramblings of a crazy mind! Sounds like you work in a hospital?
I think that many doctors now adays do turn to the c-section because out of all the different types of childbirths out there, that’s the one option in which they have the most control (and least amount of liability risk). I think that much of the pressure put on doctors is from society and our litigation-minded culture. Either way, I’m grateful that my daughter’s birth resulted in a healthy baby, regardless of how she got here.
As I was reading your story, I couldn’t stop myself from feeling the way I did, four years ago. Day to day… Than god, your daughter is in good health!
As for my story.. The labor started on October 3rd, 2006. I was 19 and scared but ready to finally meet my daughter. (I realize that I could write my whole story here but I’m french and I’m not sure I could find all the right words to share it) But anyways, I did all the same thing you did and I was minded to have my girl au natural, as you say… It was 9:00 pm when I got to the hospital. During the night, nurses were saying that her heartbeat wasn’t right, but they didn’t do anything. I was young, damn-tired and it was my first time so I put in them my entire trust. So I spent twelve hours from the beginning of the labor to the moment that I asked for the epidural. 40 minutes later, i was at 9+ so I started to push, it was around 5:30am, October 4th. When the doctor came in at 7:30am, he claimed that we were going for a c-section, right away! I’ve been up for 24hours, I couldn’t stand the pain anymore so I sgned all his papers telling myself that it was the best thing ever. When I woke up, almost three hours after her birth, her father told me she wasn’t doing allright, they were bringing her to the Children’s Hospital in the next city. ..She died on October 6th from all the complications during the labor.
I got pregnant in june 2009 and I spent most of my pregnancy being mad at my body knowing that I couldn’t have this baby “au natural”. But when I held my healthy, alive and perfect son, I knew that without the c-section option, I might have lost him too, I could have died. I think that sometimes we should learn to let go on those things and being grateful instead.
So, yeah. That was my little story.
I loved to read yours!
Cheers!
Anne, I am so, so, sorry for the loss of your daughter (and for what you went through). Reading your story brought me to tears – I can only imagine the pain, anger, and all the other emotions that you must have gone through during and after your daughter’s birth.
I couldn’t agree with you more – we are much too hard on ourselves.
Congratulations on the recent birth of your son. I’m so thankful that everything worked out well with his c-section. And thank you for sharing your story – I know that it must have been difficult to relive many of the feelings and emotions associated with your daughter.
Many, many thanks for your good words. I really appreciated it.
Best of wishes with your beautiful son, Anne!
Please let Jasmine or I know if there are any topics that you’d like us to research and post about on PureBebe.
Best of wishes with your beautiful son, Anne!
Please let Jasmine or I know if there are any topics that you’d like us to research and post about on PureBebe.
Thanks for sharing. I was a single mom when I had my daughter in 1993. I was determined to be SuperMom and do everything the strong way, the natural way. When my water broke, I didn’t worry about going to the hospital right away since I hadn’t had any contractions. The midwife who gave our birthing classes had told us that we still had 24 hours before birthing would be urgent after the water broke. Unfortunately, 2 hours later when I finally got to the hospital and had an ultrasound, they found that my daughter was breach and because my sac broke from the bottom, I was almost completely “dry.” This meant no turning her and I would have to have a C-section. I cried and cried. I felt like such a failure. My body failed. I failed. And as a single mom, how was I going to be able to recover from surgery and care for a newborn? I am very lucky not to have gone through the additional fears that you went through with your’s and the baby’s health, but I know how you felt about feeling like you did wrong. I always tell people I never gave birth. I didn’t even have a single contraction.
On another note, it was the single most glorious day of my life and the last 17 years have been pure joy. I am now learning to transition from being someone’s mom, back to being myself again as my beautiful daughter prepares to graduate from high school.
Best wishes to you and your lovely family.
Thank you for your beautiful comments, neverthewoman! And congratulations on your daughter’s upcoming school graduation! Thank goodness everything turned out well with your daughter’s birth. I’m sure that must have been so scary for you to have found out that your amniotic fluid was almost all gone! And I know what you mean about feeling like a failure. It’s crazy how much pressure we put on ourselves! Fortunately, I’m over it now…I just look into her big blue eyes and all of that drama seems like a faded memory!
And I wish you the best during your transition! Lots of people close to me (friends’ parents) are going through that now and are having a great time finding really fun hobbies – like mountain biking, yoga, running races, painting classes, writing, reading, traveling. I know I’ll blink 3 times and will one day soon be in your shoes! Enjoy!
Sometimes the birth process does not go the way we want. But you are both healthy and thriving. Congrats on getting through the mental part, that can be as hard as the physical side. Keep on going. The baby is beautiful.
Thanks for your kind words of encouragement, notesfromrumblycottage! You are right on – the mental part lasted much longer than the amount of time it took for my physical scars to heal.
I understand your frustration- my experience was pretty much Murphy’s Law in childbirth- 18 hours of induced labor that didn’t get anywhere followed by a crash section because I was blacking out (I have two leaky heart valves courtesy of a bout of rheumatic fever when I was ten years old.) In 1991, the hospital where my son was born would do just about anything to avoid a c-section. They had a high rate of c-sections because the hospital was in a rural area where many women are poor and don’t get prenatal care, and they were trying to bring down that rate. However, there are times when natural birth just plain won’t work. If you wonder about that, look at maternal and infant mortality in the early 20th century and before. A LOT of women died in childbirth before the c-section surgery was readily available. I would have been one of them. Thankfully my son was (as my mother related to me later) born healthy and screaming and all that but I barely survived the surgery and almost died three times later that night. Had the c-section been done earlier or even scheduled ahead I would probably had a much easier recovery. I was not able to see my son until the following morning (14 hours after he was born) although some very helpful nurses helped me with holding and breastfeeding him. He’s a healthy 19 year old man now- and I don’t regret his c-section birth. I just wish they had either done it earlier (so I could have had an epidural rather than general anesthetic)and didn’t wait until I was almost dead.
WOW, Elysianhunter – what a birth story you have! I’m so sorry you went through all of that! And amazing how vividly you remember the details 19 years later – goes to show you that our babies’ births stay close to our hearts and minds! It’s great that you were able to breastfeed him after 14 hours. I have heard from quite a few moms that latching can be difficult after that much time away from baby. He was probably one hungry little man!
And yes, modern medicine is truly a blessing – I’ll never know (fortunately), but I might not have made it if I had had my first daughter prior to the advent of the c-section.
Thank you for sharing your experience!!
Enjoyed reading this. I too wanted a natural birth from the start, but the best laid plans…
However, I was so glad when baby was born, and I had read so many scary things about C-sections…honestly it wasn’t that bad at all!
I’m so glad you had a good c-section, lilzbear, and congratulations on the birth of your baby!! I think that mine might not have been so bad if I hadn’t already labored for 18 hours beforehand, lol! I hear from many other moms, though, that their c-section (and recovery) was a breeze. But many of those positive experiences are from moms that had planned c-sections (i.e. twins, etc.).
Thank you for your comment!
“The doctor said she was leaving the room and that I had 2 minutes to get myself together before they wheeled me in for surgery.”
It’s great bedside manners like those that made me turn to a CNM AND that made me become a doula. Sometimes c-sections are absolutely necessary. Still, brushing aside a woman’s disappointment in such an abrupt manner is NEVER okay.
Congrats on a healthy delivery and baby! My sympathy to you for a birth that didn’t meet your expectations, as well as a doctor that could probably use a course in compassion.
I’m so glad to hear that you’re a doula, singlesoccermom! I know that my doctor was under a lot of pressure that day (and it was a tense couple of minutes), so I cut her some slack on that one.
What I didn’t cut her slack on and why I immediately switched doctors after the birth of my daughter was because 1) my c-section was rudely interrupted by someone that came barging into the room to tell my doctor that her prior c-section was ‘bleeding out’ and needed an emergency surgery – was she willing to do it?; 2) they lost a gauze during my end-of-surgery countdown/countoff (where they count all the equipment they started with to make sure nothing is left inside the patient). I don’t even want to write what they had to do to find that – but fortunately, they found it on the other side of the room.
Thank you for your kind and thoughtful words!
Thank you so much for this post. I just randomly came across it on WordPress, and it made me nearly cry–here at work! I still have a lot of the failure feelings from the birth of my son just over a year ago. I always planned on having an epidural, but like you I glossed over the information about c-sections. I’ve got birthing-hips, I’m not going to need that! Well, on my son’s due sate, I was only dilated to a 2 and not really having any contractions, so my doctor sent me to the hospital for an ultrasound and non-stress test… which showed that my amniotic fluid levels were way low, and I needed to be induced. 3 hours of Pitocin later, I’m STILL not progressing, and the little tiny contractions I was having were putting my boy into distress, and my doctor said we may have to have a c-section. Of course, my husband was out getting dinner at the time! After an hour off Pitocin and no improvements, we decided to go for it… And it was a good thing we did, because the lab results from my placenta said that he wouldn’t have lasted much longer inside me, and did not have a good chance of surviving a normal labor and delivery. Even though I feel failed by my lady-parts, I LOVE MODERN MEDICINE, because it allowed me to take home a healthy baby boy. I just hope I can have a successful VBAC on my next… Thank you for the hope that I will be able to overcome these feelings, and that I can have a successful next birth!
Thank you so much for sharing your birth experience, Lori. I wasn’t kidding when I said that it took me about a year and a half to come to terms with my first daughter’s birth. In fact, I was so prepared to get wheeled into surgery during my second daughter’s birth (they’re <2yrs apart) that I was in shock when they actually put her in my arms (vbac). I couldn't believe after the ordeal with my first daughter that my second daughter's birth could be so different! Modern medicine is a blessing. If and when you are thinking about your next birth – give me a shout out (purebebeblog@gmail.com). I can give you a download of everything I learned when I was deciding whether a vbac was right for me and my baby (with my second daughter's birth). It's not for everyone, you have to meet very specific criteria and you have to find a doctor willing to do it. But as some of the other commenters below have said, every birth is very different.
It’s one thing to “know” that you’re not the only one feeling a particular way, and another to read someone else’s story and KNOW that there are actual people out there who struggle with their birth experiences.
Thanks for posting!
Thank you for your kind words, Whitney!
I knew there HAD to be other mamas out there like me and I’m so glad so many other mamas have shared their experiences. We have so much to learn from one another!
Does a c-section hurt at all????
I can only speak to my experience, but my actual c-section didn’t hurt. I was fairly numb for the procedure. The only thing you do feel are the doctors pulling on your body from the other side of the curtain. I felt some pressure (intense at times), but there really is no pain. However, I was very sore for the next week. In fact, after a c-section you have a catheter for 1-3 days and I felt as though all of my internal organs were going to fall out when I first stood up (2 days after my csection). The hardest part for me was the fact that I couldn’t move much. I didn’t get to change a diaper until she was 5 days old.
It hurt far, far less than when they ripped my first baby out using forceps! And the recovery was far easier, too.
Your post nearly brought me to tears! I remember all the preparation that went towards my first born’s “natural” birth and I caved and had an epidural. I don’t think I would have wanted a second child if I hadn’t though.
Congrats on the new addition
Thank you, midnitechef! She is now almost 3 and we have since had a second daughter.
I don’t think you need to feel guilty for ‘caving in’ on the epidural (us mamas put so much pressure on ourselves!). Both of my children ended up being born while I was on an epidural and they are perfectly healthy and happy. 
Thank you for sharing! I came very close to a section after 24 in the hospital, about 8 hours of pitocin induced contractions. We chose to let the doctor use forceps. The baby was almost out anyway–I’d been pushing for 2 hours–so it was very quick. He is perfectly fine, and I am glad I didn’t have surgery but certainly in thinking about how the birth would go,I worried a lot about a c section but I don’t think forceps ever once entered my mind as a real possibility.
Liam James. Beautiful boy.
First of all, CONGRATS on the birth of your beautiful baby boy Liam James, Kathleen! What a GORGEOUS name! In fact, one of my cousin’s names is Liam and I’ve always loved that name. I’m happy for you that you didn’t have to have a c-section and everything turned out fine during Liam’s birth! Thank you for your kind thoughts and for sharing your experience.
Aww… what a cute baby!
Thank you Sayitinasong! We think so too!
Dear purebebe,
When I read the opening lines of your post I said, “That’s my story! My first birth (June 2008) was induced at a week past my due date…wanted to go without meds…wasn’t prepared to go without meds…got the epidural…AND a spinal headache. Baby was born with the help of the vacuum after 2 hours and 20 minutes of pushing (the epidural didn’t work 100%, either, so it wasn’t pain-free pushing by any means). Pretty big blood loss, 2 transfusions, milk never came in. I blamed it all on my epidural and spinal headache. I was DETERMINED to have a natural birth the next time.
So, when preparing for birth #2 (June 2010) hubby and I took the Bradley class (you’re lucky you got away with a 6 week class – ours was 12…way too long), hired a doula, wrote out a detailed birthing plan, had the blessing of my doctor, and were SHOCKED at 36 1/2 weeks to discover the baby was breech. My dreams of having a natural childbirth were dashed. I was devastated.
Did everything shy of standing on my head to get the baby to flip – wasn’t a good candidate for the external version, and didn’t really want it anyway. Another member of our Bradley class actually had a c-section due to a breech baby, so I’d been through the surprise and processing with her in class, thankfully.
Went into labor a week early – surprise, surprise – went to the hospital in the middle of the night, thinking we’d have to do the c-section then. OB came in, did the U/S to check baby’s position, and it had flipped! I immediately burst into tears! I was going to have my natural birth!
Labor actually slowed and was putzing around for the next week, so they induced me on my due date, as baby was quite large and they didn’t want him to get any bigger.
After 11 hours of unmedicated, insane labor (pitocin was present, remember) – 2 of those pushing, the baby had not descended past my cervix, even though I was dilated to 10. I was given the options of 1) continuing on, possibly pushing for 2-3 more hours, 2) getting an epidural and pushing for 2-3 more hours, or 3) C-section. I was SO exhausted, and so ready for this to be over with, I opted for the C.
Not what I’d wanted, but I couldn’t take anymore. I have some good perspective on birth now, after 2 very crazy experiences. I also believe that a birth plan is a great way to set a woman up for disappointment, as birth never goes according to plan (not that we thought it would follow a perfect path, but some semblance of “normal” would have been welcomed!)
I do have 2 perfectly healthy boys and I’m thankful for that. I even bled more than normal the second time, although I didn’t have to have a transfusion. Milk didn’t come in the 2nd time either. That’s probably the most disappointing part of it all. I think if I could have nursed my babies, I would have been able to put the births to rest.
Amazing what we go through as women – we ARE amazing!
Heather, you are truly amazing! Your boys’ birth stories are incredible! I can’t believe you walked around in labor for an entire week with your second son! Absolutely amazing! And it is crazy how much pressure we carry around on our shoulders – fantasizing about the ideal birth (or one with a little less drama at the minimum!). I guess in the end we all just want the best for our children – and that starts with our very first experience with them.
Hi — just read your C-section story and really appreciate that you’ve shared it. I had two all-natural births and one C-section (preceded by many hours of natural labor). I LOVE giving birth naturally and I always thought I would feel devastated if I had to have a C-section. But it turns out that I feel surprisingly fine about it because I am confident I did everything I could to have a natural birth. I’m still grateful for the experience of labor that I had leading up the surgery. My friends were with me, one of them baked brownies, and I spent time laboring in a warm bath with my older daughter rubbing my leg.
Congratulations on the birth of your third child, thebirthmuse! You are so fortunate to have experienced two all-natural births (I’m jealous)! The time leading up to the surgery with your third baby does sound very relaxing – which I’m sure allowed you to remain focused. Thank you for your valuable comments!
I really enjoyed reading both your article and all the responses you got! It is so good to hear that I am not the only one who found that the birth didn’t go according to plan and that it was a little bit more dramatic than I had thought. You also said that it was nice to write it all down, not sure I am ready for that yet, but maybe one day! (But all I know is that I am not sure I can face it again and that the thought of a c-cection would be tempting if I am blessed with another child!)
Asta, thank you for your comment and for sharing a bit of your own birth story. I am sorry to hear that yours didn’t go to plan either, but the follow-up to this article will be the birth of my second child. Everything went perfectly during her birth (I couldn’t have asked for a quicker & easier birth). It was night and day. I hope to one day read your own birth story(ies)! -Heather
Yikes, glad you both made it.
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Thank you, Marie. It was such a scary experience. But she’s happy, healthy and 3 years old now!
Wow. I’ve never had a baby but my husband and I have already discussed it and I wanted to go natural. I’m thankful for this post because it lets me know that I can plan on doing that but I need to be open in case something happens that changes that plan.
Happy SITS day!
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Thanks, Stephanie. Yes, I have found that giving birth is the most vulnerable position that I’ve ever been in in my life, and being prepared for anything to happen is the best way to prepare yourself mentally.
Nothing we go through matters once we hear that beautiful cry. I remember hearing it when my own daughter was born. Thankfully after I went 16 hours without meds and finally took the epidural so my body might actually relax and do what it needed, it worked out. I also remember not hearing my son, and panicking. I was again blessed, and after a few hours on oxygen he was okay.
Oh thank goodness everything worked out well for you and your son. Giving birth can indeed be very scary (and frustrating). But that sweet cry is the most beautiful sound in this world as a mom.
I had my kids in the late 70s and early 80s when Lamaze was all the rage. We took Lamaze classes and were all geared up for natural childbirth. My water broke, but I never went into labor. I ended up having c-sections with both of them. One was 9 lbs. 11 oz. and one was 10 lbs. 5 oz. Did I mention that I’m 5’1″ tall? The doctor said there was no way that I would have ever been able to birth those babies. You know what that say about the “best laid plans.”
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Oh yes, lamaze. They taught us some lamaze in one of my child birthing classes. You had some big babies! I thought my first baby was big, 9 lbs, 8.5 ounces, but that’s much smaller than 10lbs 5 oz! Thank goodness for the c-section, right?!