Every parent and every child needs to watch this video. You can’t watch this and not feel this child’s pain. Children need to see this to understand the impact that their words and actions can have on another. Parents need to see this to be aware that young children are experiencing this type of pain and these types of thoughts.
A friend of mine shared this video on Facebook last night, and it didn’t take long for me to break down completely in tears for this child. No child should ever feel this way. I wish with all my heart that I could take away his pain. It hurts so much as a parent to see this child’s suffering, but even more so because…
I was once there.
Many who know me surely don’t know this about me, but I personally know this child’s pain. I was bullied and teased beginning in about the 4th grade. I came home day after day, hid myself in my parents’ basement, and cried. and cried. and cried. For nearly three years, this went on. Many of the thoughts this child expressed crossed my mind, though I was very fortunate that I could never bring myself to truly hurt myself as much as I grew to hate myself for the way others treated me.
I know - it doesn’t make sense, but as a child when you’re attacked for the very things that are a part of you, that you don’t feel you can change, your mind goes there. My religion was my saving grace when it came to thoughts of suicide - I was taught very young that this was not the answer, that I had no right to take away the gift that God had given. But it didn’t stop me from asking myself whether I’d truly be missed if I were no longer there. Would those who hurt me then feel sorry?
Yesterday, I shared a link in the highlights post of new research that found that children are contemplating suicide as young as third grade. The child in this video is evidence of that assertion. Parents, we need to teach our children how impactful their words and actions can be. To this day, I still remember the names and faces of the children who picked on me, the image of one of those girls chasing me home from school tossing rocks and calling names, sitting in a dark corner in my parents’ basement frustrated, angry, and sad.
Like this boy, I consider myself one of the lucky ones. I found enough reasons to stay strong. And fortunately for me, my parents sensed my pain as much as I tried to keep it from them. In 7th grade, they enrolled me in a private school out of fear that if I continued to junior high with these children, a junior high with a reputation for drugs, that I’d fall into drugs or worse. They saved me. As did my new best friend and the youth who accepted me at my new school. That year was my turning point.
Even still, I continued for the rest of my young adult life to deal with feelings of insufficient self-worth and apprehension at letting people know the real me. Many who’ve known me over the years might say I was confident and strong, but for most years it was an affront. I just kept telling myself, pretend to be confident, and eventually it will come.
I’m sure those girls who bullied had no idea the consequences of their actions, no idea how long it would stay with me. And while I am a stronger person for it and hopefully in a better place to counsel my children, I don’t wish it on another child for a moment.
For this child’s sake and for the many others who are in such pain, I will pray that they find the reasons to be strong and the ability to realize their true worth. Our children need to know every day that we love them unconditionally and that they are never alone. that there is hope. life gets better, and these experiences are but a small moment in our journey.
- Jasmine
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Jasmine, Thank You for sharing this. I was bullied some in junior high, but I found friends with similar interests and I, too, had parents who taught me the tools I needed to find my inner strength and taught me of my individual worth. As a 13 year old, some boys on the bus thought it would be fun to toss small bits of paper down my shirt. When they started throwing them at my younger sister, I finally told Mom. She called the school and the boys were suspended/expelled (one of each). I learned then that I didn’t have to stay quiet and that if I couldn’t fight my own battle, for whatever reason, that there was someone who could fight one for me.
I know of several women who cut themselves as teens. I now have a 5 year old daughter who is the tallest child her class. I worry about her being bullied–she’s so sensitive. As she grows up I can only hope that she will know she can trust me with her pain and that I’ll be able to give her the tools and knowledge she’ll need to have as easy an adjustment into adulthood as possible.
Suicidal thoughts, whether from bullying, “light-hearted” teasing, or for any other reason, are scary. And sometimes, the bullies are in our own families and that makes it so much harder to deal with. The majority of my pain came from what was considered teasing by family members, both close and extended. Ski-feet, airhead, and thunder thighs are just a few things I was called by close family members on a daily basis. To this day I truly enjoy hearing my first names come out of someone’s mouth because it was such a rare thing growing up.
I’d write more, but quite frankly it’s still a little too painful.
Talia, I’m so sorry that you encountered it at home, a place where you would hope to escape such teasing. I’m sure it could feel so much more personal when it comes from family. I hope that it is all in the past now.
I have asked myself why I never spoke out against my bullies, and I can only imagine that I wanted so much to be accepted by those who were bullying me that I didn’t want to make things worse by getting others involved, and I think I was also just so ashamed that it was happening to me.
As a mother of two girls like you, I too am worried about what they’ll encounter and whether or not they’ll be willing to reach out. I’m not quite sure what will be the key, knowing that I had a loving home with good parents and yet I kept it in. I just hope that I’ll be able to say the right things and give my children that eternal perspective that will get them through it.
No child should have those thoughts swimming in his/her head, especially suicide. As a parent to three kids (4 and under), these videos terrify me. I feel that these bullied kids in the videos are very brave and strong for sharing their stories. I internalize their pain and pray that future bullies do the same. It would tear me to bits if my daughter or one of my sons felt as Jonah does, but I applaud him for speaking up and not bottling it up.
I know, it’s heartbreaking and terrifying all at the same time – that children so young are having such thoughts, at an age when most don’t have the mental capacity or maturity to handle them. With all the media attention on bullying lately and messages like Jonah’s, I can only hope that we’ll begin to see a greater focus in elementary schools on providing resources for bullying and suicide prevention programs . No child should spend every day of their entire childhood bullied and feeling like Jonah was.
Yikes. How does one even know their child is going through something so traumatic if they keep it hidden? I would hope that good parenting and being present in your kids’ lives would have an impact, but what if that’s not enough? I already worry about whether I’m raising my daughter “right” and she’s only 21 months old! There’s no way I can protect her from all the harm out there. I can only hope I’ll be able to teach her the skills to handle it.
I’m sure we’re going to worry all our lives about whether we’ve done right by our children. In the case of coping with bullying and teasing, I think the keys are good parenting, good foundations/principles taught in the home, and helping our children surround themselves with good friends. In the end, all of these are what got me through.